Disappointment: A Lesson in Maps and Mathematics

39°13′26.686″N 98°32′30.506″W / 39.22407944°N 98.54180722°W / 39.22407944; -98.54180722

This spot is just outside of Meades Ranch, KS, the decidated center of the 1927 North American Datum (NAD27). The way it works is like this: Say You want to make a map. (I don't know why. You just do. Play along) Maps are flat, the world is not. Hmm, perplexing little situation, yes? Yes, but you can work your way out of it by building a reference ellipsoid (mathematically, not with, like, paper maché or anything.)

What's a reference ellipsoid? Well, it's a mathematical tool that helps you closely match the shape of the earth. Since the earth is not a perfect sphere due to gravity from the pulling of the sun and the moon and spinning around the cosmos, it's more like an egg shape, or, as super-smart astrophysicists and astrogeologists like to call it, the geoid.

So this guy, Alexander Ross Clarke, preeminent British geodesist (someone concerned with the measurements of the earth), decided in the middle of the 1800's that he needed to describe the geoid with an ellipsoid in a fresh, new, buttery delicious way that was more accurate and far superior to previous models in both accuracy and closeness of shave. So, he did. What he gave us is the Clarke Ellipsoid 1866 which is still in use today in English-speaking countries. His 1860 Ellipsoid is widely used across Africa, but that's a different story. This is not only remarkable in that it's still used today, but also that he had 13 kids and a wife while he did it. So, the prodigious Clarke goes down in the history books as having given us this ellipsoid for the earth. Great. Where the hell is this going?

Well, in 1927, the NAD27 was released to much fan fare and rave reviews. No, wait. Scratch that. It was just released to the cartographic world by the United States Department of Commerce's Coastal and Geodetic Survey. The NAD 27 is "the horizontal control datum for the United States that was defined by a location and azimuth on the Clarke spheroid [ellipsoid] of 1866, with origin at (the survey station) Meades Ranch (Kansas)." The surveyors assumed the height at the point to be zero since it was, well... it was just easier that way. What does that mean? Well, it's saying that where they installed the brass marker set in concrete is at, or very nearly at, the exact geographic center of the contiguous United States (i.e. Everything except AK and HI. Sorry fellas, maybe you party without us on your own) for NAD27's purposes.

Now that we've gone this far, how about a little more, no? Yes. Okay, so the NAD27 is used for mapping and cartographic purposes and the center is in Meades Ranch, KS. I work for a mapping company and things like being able to physically go & visit the center of the Lower 48 of the most common reference system for mapping North America would be something to do indeed. I can admit my super-map-geekness. I truly can.

So here's where we have now entered the story: my buddy and co-worker, JN, shoots me this message saying: "Hey, next time you're in Denver, we should blitz over to Meades Ranch, KS"
E: "What's there?"
JN: "Center of the NAD27."
E: "DUDE! We totally should!"

So, with some quick research, we found that it's approximately 403 miles from Denver to Meades Ranch, KS and would take us about 6 and a half hours to get there. If we left after work, or very nearly "after work", we could be there by 11:30 or midnight, snap a few quick shots, and bolt back to Denver with enough time to shower and change before going into the office.

Well, my years of field work have led me to one truth: Trespassing can get you shot. It can and has gotten plenty of people shot all over the place. Rule Number One of Field Work: Don't Get Shot. Rule Number Two: If you have contact information for a landowner and in big, CAPITAL letters it says very clearly how and when to contact the landowner for permission to go out: Follow Those Instructions. Also, since property boundaries today are a lot different than they were in 1927 when the marker was installed, it may be on someone's property now as opposed to when it was installed almost 85 years ago. Well, sure enough, a quick Google search later and we came up with the info about the owner, one Mr. Kyle Brant, Rancher. Luckily, I found this page that had his name and address and phone number and describing how to get a look at this mythically magical mapping centroid. Well, it turns out his phone number is wrong, so I had to search for him again to get the right phone number and new address so I could call him and ask for permission for JN and me to go out and visit this point.

Alright, I know what You're thinking at this point. You're in one of two camps. Either You're like, "Man, there is no way this can happen," or You're thinking: "Well, this guy has a lot of land and is going to be cool about it." Basically our only 2 options, but I'm running on pure map geek excitement, so optimism is on my shoulders as I dial this guy's number and I don't even think about you Negative Nellies.

This is a call I've made a trillion times before. Calling a landowner to verify the point is on their land and then try and get permission. Done it. I've got at least a decade's worth of experience on my side here with this exact type of call to landowners, so I'm pretty much ready when the other end picks up and I launch into my request.

Everything's going great. This lady is totally into it and she's laying out the plan for how to meet up with Mr. Brant and when is best and how much it costs (Costs? I hadn't thought of that.) and just running down through it as we go along.

Lady On The Phone: "So, when were you thinking of coming out here?" she asks me.
E: "Well, ma'am, I was thinking we'd get out there in the evening and after dark."
LOTP: "After dark? Well, how would you see anything then?"
E: "Well, we'd use the headlights from the truck and flashlights, I suppose."
LOTP: "Okay, I see. Well, what time were you thinking of being here?"
E: "Well, we wouldn't leave Denver until probably 4 or 5 in the afternoon and it's about 6 and a half hours, so I'm thinking, maybe, we wouldn't be there until eleven thirty, twelve o'clock."
LOTP: "Midnight?!? Well, He's a busy rancher for Godssakes. He's not gonna do that."
E: "Ma'..." *click*

Okay. Fair is fair. I was prepared for this to happen, but I didn't think it would. I understand that there are people in this world that have things to do; myself and my colleague being 2 of them. I realize that midnight and an all night drive to see a brass disc set in concrete in the middle of Nowhere, Kansas may not be everyone's idea of a good time and I certainly understand that it doesn't fit everyone's time table, but c'mon. Really? A hang up? Really? Was that necessary or even called for? I wasn't rude. I wasn't disrespectful. I was following the rules. I was even ready to shell out the ridiculous $50 ($20 each, $50 minimum) that this guy charges to go see this spot that the Government paid for. The least that could have happened was that this lady just says, something along the lines of, "Yeah, that's not a good time for us. Sorry," and then ends the conversation, but a flat out hang up? Wow.

I have always hated the hang up. I know I shouldn't ever take it personally, well, at least not when it's for work, but this time it wasn't for work. this time it was for me and JN. It was for us to have a Grand Adventure and fun story to explain why we both looked like semi-zombies the next day. It wasn't for work time this time; it was for personal time. How can I not take it personally?

And that's when I was reminded again, that even if you've done something so many times it seems like second nature; even if you're absolutely excited beyond reason about something or someone; even if you play by all the rules and all the right cards, you're not gonna have anything to eat unless you actually come back from the field with food in your hand.

"Oh, life is like that. Sometimes, at the height of our revelries, when our joy is at it's zenith, when all is most right with the world, the most unthinkable disasters decend upon us."
- A Chrstmas Story

Until next, Dear Reader,
E


(p.s. --> What the fuck!?! It's an 82 year old hunk of metal buried in some concrete and then shoved into the ground on your property and you have the balls to put up a $50 cover charge??)

Homebrewskys... Orange whips ...Deliciousnesses

They're delicious. And so easy to make I don't know why I don't make more. Oh, wait, I do make more...when I run out and then sometimes before I am out so I have more to drink when I need it, though, lately, like this blog, I have been lax on my brewing. The good news is that I just bottled a dozen 16 oz. bottles of my George Washington's Own Historically Inappropriat Goat Riot Ale.



It should be good. If it's not, at least it'll be drinkable. It's a wonderful brown ale of toasted oats and rye that my friends H & J helped me whip up. I based it on a recipe that the First Commander In Chief had in his Diary. (Yeah, I read books, too)


I also enjoy the making of the labels for my beers and sometimes get the inspiration for my beers from a picture. Or something someone says. Or a nickname.



The Vanilla Gorilla was a coffee vanilla brew that was inspired by my former trainer's boyfriend's nickname. Yeah, see, he's a huge dude that plays semi-pro football for the Madison Mustangs. Plus he has a great sense of humor.

I haven't yet done a nice, hearty stout, so maybe that one will be my next concoction. Of course, it goes without saying even though I'm gonna say it: I'm open to suggestions.

here's the thing...

...i try to enjoy culture and the arts as much as i can, because, let's face it, i can use as much culture and artistic input as i can get.

but man. it was hard to stomach what i just saw. gilbert and sullivan are famous for their musical theater the world over and i felt lucky that i was gifted 2 tickets to go see the pirates of penzance. so i went with an open mind and ready to be entertained...but i was just not. and i realize i'm not some fancy theater critic who knows the all about its when it comes to theater and productions and all, but this was just bad. the first issue was the sound. when it was just the bass and baritones singing, the sound was great. every word was clear and you could totally understand the songs and hear it all and appreciate the witty lyrics. but anything above that range was just higher pitched noise that ran together and was incomprehensible. yes, the very merry model of a merry modern major general song was awesome and the guy that sang it did a great job. hilarious and he stole the show...but he shouldn't have. he wasn't the lead. he didn't have the choice parts to drive the story. he was a side character that was well played and did a great job. that's all he should have been, but because the sound was so bad and the stage direction was as lame as it was (there were literally moments when people were hitting super high operatic octaves while they ran across stage [okay, that's tough and i respect it, but why have them do it?] or players were not singing and they stood there in the background not or only just slightly moving when they could have been doing something, anything interesting) he gets the highlight because he had the toughest song to sing and he nailed it. the other characters, frederic, his girl ...whatever, the pirate king what's his name, and the rest who could have had great moments on stage just kind of accepted that the crowd was there to hear the modern major general and went through the motions.

i sat through the whole thing, but could have left after the first act was over. i don't want to bore you, dear reader, with the other inane details and nit-pickiness of my poor critique, but suffice it to say that i can say i have seen pirates and let's leave it at that.

until next time i can only hope you see something far more entertaining and better staged.
keep it between the lines and play from the tips,
e

it's good to know things work out for people from your past

The Explosion

I say THE because truthfully, there is but one meat: Pork. And really the best way to eat pork, besides all of it's super awesome other cuts, is in bacon form. But sometimes, one gets tired of just bacon by itself. Where's the sense of adventure that comes with eating bacon now that you've had bacon for all of the years you've had bacon?

I'll tell you: The Bacon Explosion.

Yes, that's right. That recipe that was so wide spread after the New York Times picked up the story made it's way across my plate on Super Bowl Sunday (I know, I'm a little late in posting this, but you should totally read my previous post and STFU).

...And on the 8th day, He created Pork. And it was good.

Especially when you take some cooked bacon, mushrooms, onions, and roasted red peppers and wrap them in 2 lbs. of sausage, then wrap that in a weaved mat of bacon, cover it in a delicious rub, then put it on the smoker...or grill. Either way, it is so very worth it.

I'll let you enjoy the pictures and let them speak for the rest of it. I know it looks a little burned, but there was *small* grease fire (Weird) but it worked out...Okay, yeah, it was delicious!