No Good Title

Sometimes in life you have things come at you...no. No, that doesn't work...

They say there's no free lunch, but occasionally...uhh, no. That's not the way we want to start this.

Okay, okay. Let's try this....

For the past few years, okay, well, every job since I got out of school except my current position, has had me traveling all across the countryside seeing the sights and surveying and driving and all the what-nots that were entailed by my employment opportunities.

What does that mean? Well, for starters, it means I was staying in a ton of hotels and eating take out, but most specifically it had me staying in hotels. Generally I stayed in hotel chains that had points and loyalty programs. My favorite are the Holiday Inn Expresses...esessss... can I stop there? Okay.

Anyway, so a couple months ago I got this flyer int eh mail that had my hotel point balance and some of the free things you could get with them. I looked up my total balance and the full catalog of items I could redeem my loyalty points when I realized that I had enough points to get a KitchenAid Stand Mixer!! ...And an iPod Touch!!!

So I did what any rational person would do: ordered the stand mixer and saved the iPod points to grow because I still had a few nights of hotel stays left, maybe I can get a bigger iPod Touch.

So I waited the 2 weeks and then, one day, BAM! There it was!!

My new Stand Mixer...




See? Those points programs really do pay off...sometimes...


Of course I'll keep you up to date with all the things I make with it.

Get Pissed, People

Nothing important...

i'm feeling under the weather and i'll post again when i'm feeling better.

sorry to make you wait.

e

Destiny

Yesterday, I learned that I am the motherfucking master of swearing.

It's a gift.

I accept.

Thank you.

My Michelangelo

Now...I am a Man

5 Minutes of your Time

Ready For Big Things To Happen

Meat Curtains

that's not funny.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!!

Let's All Eat Green... hmm, well not ALL green things.

Episode VI: Return of the BitMap

Episode V: The WebComic Strikes Back

(take that you dirty hippie girl scouts)

Not My Image...

But I do love the description of this image...especially the "photo centers around a Victoria's Secret cutout and a pornographic letter from a prison inmate I found on the street..." part. HA HA! Awesome.

Episode IV: A New Joke

I need more free-time

Episode III: Revenge of the Splits

(i never said the jokes would be good)

Today's Fortune

Episode II: Attack of the Continuation

Poetic Image Number 37 Not Found

Miss Information

So the last 3 trips I've made to Denver and the Tech Center, the same driver has been driving the Super Shuttle that I'm on from the airport to the office. I have no complaints about this guy or his driving (the vans always seem to smell faintly of urine and coffee, but that's not the point here). And for the last 3 trips, the Super Shuttle has driven me past this street corner that is close to my hotel and on the way to the office. Every time we've gone past this corner, this driver points out this lot and says something along these lines:

"You know why there's nothing developed there? There's a Pet Cemetery there in that corner lot where the trees are. I think there may even be some of the original land owner's buried there."

It's not exactly always in those words, but it's been just about like that when he launches into this quick bit of DTC Trivia he's feeding the need-to-know-out-of-town visitors. Now, I've pretty much always appreciated that he has done this. He could just keep his mouth shut and eyes forward while he drives us to our destinations wrapped in the soothing sounds of easy listening radio; or, he could be suicidally weaving in and out of lanes of traffic while chatting with his buddies on the cell phone and barely paying attention to the road, cars, or even pedestrians. But he's not doing any of those things. He's trying to share a little bit of his wisdom with us and I appreciate that. If for no other reason than it gives me something to look forward to as we turn onto the street that crosses this corner. I know he's gonna point it out and I have a pretty good idea of what he's going to say.

But since I've been staying at this hotel a block away from this street corner, I've become familiar with it in so much as I knew it was there and I could point it out to people I work with and say: "Hey, I heard there were some pets and maybe a person buried on that lot there in that corner," and they'd say, "Oh, yeah?" "Yeah," I'd banter back and so on and so forth the conversation would continue.

So, today after work, I figured I had a few minutes before I had to get back to the hotel and sit in front of the TV and I walked over to this corner to have a look at the headstones and see what I could see. Maybe get a few decent shots out of it to boot. Over I walked the whole block and when I arrived I found a guy throwing logs into the back of a truck.

I introduced my self and said why the heck I was on his land and could I look around at the gravestones and what-not.

"This corner lot here? Where we're standing? Shoot... Naw, I ain't never heard of nothing like that about this spot here. There used to be a' old farmhouse there from the 1800's, but I hadn't heard of no pets or people being buried over here."

Turns out, this guy has worked in the building across the street and down a piece from the lot he owns or his company owns and The City had given him/them a ticket so he was cleaning up the trash and taking out some trees to avoid further actions against them. That's cool.

I poked around and snapped a few shots, but it turns out that this street corner is pretty much just that: a street corner lot.


(i think that's kind of sad, too. i mean, this spot used to be a previously developed piece of property that had a house and out buildings [i saw the half buried brick and stone foundations as i nosed around], but now it's an undeveloped and dilapidated piece of land that no one is quite sure of the history. it's nothing big, but this was someone's home one time. there were people that lived here and died here possibly and had lives and slept and did chores and were yelled at and laughed and cried and all of those things. now the city is ticketing the current owner's for neglect and dumping violations [i suspect]. i suppose nothing is forever.)

On a long enough timeline. The survival rate for everyone drops to zero.

Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club, 1996

Episode I: The WebComic Menace

Okay, so a few years ago I was relly really REALLY into web comics. I mean, really into them. I saw webcomic artists at speeches, read all of their blogs, did alot of really good time wasting things that they suggested I do. Which is cool and it was fun, but it had to end. I needed to keep my job.

Anyway, one of the offshoots of this was that I decided to draw a few comics. Now, I've always really enjoyed Calvin & Hobbes, The Far Side, Bloom County, and Get Fuzzy and other, more "traditional", print comic strips. Growing up I read them every Sunday. Was there really any other use for the newspaper for a child on a daily basis? When Berkley Breathed retired Bloom County from circulation, I told my mom and she told me "Well, I suppose should draw your own strip then, huh?" It didn't really take in any professional manner. But there were moments. I tried to draw cartoon-y characters in my doodles pretty much all the time. They kinda sucked. I still do, actually. Though, I must say, they have become less crappy in their doodleosity. I had even drawn a few for pitching to the Purdue student newspaper, The Exponent. Umm, they were never accepted...and for good reason. I'm not bitter. They just weren't that good. The strip was called "Señor Bob." They were about a guy named Bob and his girlfriend/wife (I hadn't really worked out their relationship, but they lived together) Janey and the wacky adventures they got into in their daily life. it was crass. It was perverse. It was funny to me, but I guess not the Purdue student paper, and that's okay. I drew them in my break time as a janitor at Purdue to pay for school. That's not the point of this post either, just a little side trip, day hike into my history.

Anyway, maybe one day, if I find them, I'll scan them in and post them. Not today though.

Today I have something more special-er for you, Dear Reader. Today I dig deep into "The Archives" of these files I have on my drives and let them see the light of the web for the first time. To you, Dear Reader, today I present the webcomics I drew in the style of Natalie Dee, xKcd, Sinfest, and all the rest. Here is the first of the Awesome Qat Butcher series:



more tomorrow...

KT and Dad go to the Lake

KT and I took a trip to Lake Mendota the other day because it was 53 degrees and I needed to get out of the house. ...-*ahem*- I mean, because she needed to venture out and see some sights.

As you can see from the photos, she was bundled up pretty well even though the wind screaming across the ice-covered lake was cold, she was still trying to push the woolen sock she's bundled in down and off of her 'cause she was hot. I had 3 different ladies, all of whom were holding some little kid's hand' that it was too cold for her to be out.

I politely told them all the same thing: "I didn't tell you how to dress your kid. Thanks."

Hey, at least I was polite, right? Yeah, I thought so.

C'ntr'ct'ns...

L've 'em!

Ev'r b'dy ought'a use 'em.

F'r Re'l.
'

Surprising, but not Surprised.

So, my friend, JN, has a blog and I didn't know about it. I suppose that's my fault. I could have really taken the time to look at his info page on FB, but I'm lazy and only really use the FB for playing some games with the wife while I'm on the road and posting things I could, and probably, should, just post here.

But then again, what're you gonna do, you know?

This brings me to the point of this whole thing, if you can call it that, which is how many of my friends have blogs that I don't know about it. I really don't have anything important to say about this, but I thought I'd just as easily throw it out there. How many people do I know have blogs and I don't know about it?

And further more, why don't I know about them? Hpow come I got dropped out of the blog loop? I'm not hurt, and I totally understand that people are busy and they don't necessarily tell everyone about their blogs, but this is now the 6th friend of mine who's blog I have randomly stumbled on unknowingly. It's weird.

On one hand, I'm kind of curious about who all is reading their blogs, but then, on the other hand, it's not like I really tried that hard over the last year to keep on top of my own blog.

Weird.

That's pretty much it.

See? Nothing too big happened today.

Flew to Denver, learned about another friend's blog, did a bunch of work.

Hit that donut,
e

Breaking Away...

I'm on my way to DEN...

Better Than Beer Can Chicken...Smoke 'Em!!

So I built Alton brown's now infamous ceramic flower pot smoker for my Summer of Grilling. But it's going into Early Spring, you say? So? So, I figure why not just keep it going.

Of course I smoked the pork. Twice. It gets rave reviews every time. But then I saw this thing for smoked turkey and the wife said "Okay, well maybe you should start small and see how that goes." So I brined 2 chickens (~3-4 lbs. each), whipped up a little rub and smeared it all over them, and smoked those.

OMG! Fantastic! I made a non-dairy French Silk Pie and served it as dessert.

Again, I'd love to show you pictures of the whole process, but there was kind of a SNAFU with my camera, so I can' show you the whole process or the end result. Okay, I lost the other pics, but I have this one of the birds brining. Trust me, totally worth doing. My cousin Jer asked if they were better than Beer Can and I told him they were so good they'd slap the taste right out of your mouth.

And they will too.

Disappointment: A Lesson in Maps and Mathematics

39°13′26.686″N 98°32′30.506″W / 39.22407944°N 98.54180722°W / 39.22407944; -98.54180722

This spot is just outside of Meades Ranch, KS, the decidated center of the 1927 North American Datum (NAD27). The way it works is like this: Say You want to make a map. (I don't know why. You just do. Play along) Maps are flat, the world is not. Hmm, perplexing little situation, yes? Yes, but you can work your way out of it by building a reference ellipsoid (mathematically, not with, like, paper maché or anything.)

What's a reference ellipsoid? Well, it's a mathematical tool that helps you closely match the shape of the earth. Since the earth is not a perfect sphere due to gravity from the pulling of the sun and the moon and spinning around the cosmos, it's more like an egg shape, or, as super-smart astrophysicists and astrogeologists like to call it, the geoid.

So this guy, Alexander Ross Clarke, preeminent British geodesist (someone concerned with the measurements of the earth), decided in the middle of the 1800's that he needed to describe the geoid with an ellipsoid in a fresh, new, buttery delicious way that was more accurate and far superior to previous models in both accuracy and closeness of shave. So, he did. What he gave us is the Clarke Ellipsoid 1866 which is still in use today in English-speaking countries. His 1860 Ellipsoid is widely used across Africa, but that's a different story. This is not only remarkable in that it's still used today, but also that he had 13 kids and a wife while he did it. So, the prodigious Clarke goes down in the history books as having given us this ellipsoid for the earth. Great. Where the hell is this going?

Well, in 1927, the NAD27 was released to much fan fare and rave reviews. No, wait. Scratch that. It was just released to the cartographic world by the United States Department of Commerce's Coastal and Geodetic Survey. The NAD 27 is "the horizontal control datum for the United States that was defined by a location and azimuth on the Clarke spheroid [ellipsoid] of 1866, with origin at (the survey station) Meades Ranch (Kansas)." The surveyors assumed the height at the point to be zero since it was, well... it was just easier that way. What does that mean? Well, it's saying that where they installed the brass marker set in concrete is at, or very nearly at, the exact geographic center of the contiguous United States (i.e. Everything except AK and HI. Sorry fellas, maybe you party without us on your own) for NAD27's purposes.

Now that we've gone this far, how about a little more, no? Yes. Okay, so the NAD27 is used for mapping and cartographic purposes and the center is in Meades Ranch, KS. I work for a mapping company and things like being able to physically go & visit the center of the Lower 48 of the most common reference system for mapping North America would be something to do indeed. I can admit my super-map-geekness. I truly can.

So here's where we have now entered the story: my buddy and co-worker, JN, shoots me this message saying: "Hey, next time you're in Denver, we should blitz over to Meades Ranch, KS"
E: "What's there?"
JN: "Center of the NAD27."
E: "DUDE! We totally should!"

So, with some quick research, we found that it's approximately 403 miles from Denver to Meades Ranch, KS and would take us about 6 and a half hours to get there. If we left after work, or very nearly "after work", we could be there by 11:30 or midnight, snap a few quick shots, and bolt back to Denver with enough time to shower and change before going into the office.

Well, my years of field work have led me to one truth: Trespassing can get you shot. It can and has gotten plenty of people shot all over the place. Rule Number One of Field Work: Don't Get Shot. Rule Number Two: If you have contact information for a landowner and in big, CAPITAL letters it says very clearly how and when to contact the landowner for permission to go out: Follow Those Instructions. Also, since property boundaries today are a lot different than they were in 1927 when the marker was installed, it may be on someone's property now as opposed to when it was installed almost 85 years ago. Well, sure enough, a quick Google search later and we came up with the info about the owner, one Mr. Kyle Brant, Rancher. Luckily, I found this page that had his name and address and phone number and describing how to get a look at this mythically magical mapping centroid. Well, it turns out his phone number is wrong, so I had to search for him again to get the right phone number and new address so I could call him and ask for permission for JN and me to go out and visit this point.

Alright, I know what You're thinking at this point. You're in one of two camps. Either You're like, "Man, there is no way this can happen," or You're thinking: "Well, this guy has a lot of land and is going to be cool about it." Basically our only 2 options, but I'm running on pure map geek excitement, so optimism is on my shoulders as I dial this guy's number and I don't even think about you Negative Nellies.

This is a call I've made a trillion times before. Calling a landowner to verify the point is on their land and then try and get permission. Done it. I've got at least a decade's worth of experience on my side here with this exact type of call to landowners, so I'm pretty much ready when the other end picks up and I launch into my request.

Everything's going great. This lady is totally into it and she's laying out the plan for how to meet up with Mr. Brant and when is best and how much it costs (Costs? I hadn't thought of that.) and just running down through it as we go along.

Lady On The Phone: "So, when were you thinking of coming out here?" she asks me.
E: "Well, ma'am, I was thinking we'd get out there in the evening and after dark."
LOTP: "After dark? Well, how would you see anything then?"
E: "Well, we'd use the headlights from the truck and flashlights, I suppose."
LOTP: "Okay, I see. Well, what time were you thinking of being here?"
E: "Well, we wouldn't leave Denver until probably 4 or 5 in the afternoon and it's about 6 and a half hours, so I'm thinking, maybe, we wouldn't be there until eleven thirty, twelve o'clock."
LOTP: "Midnight?!? Well, He's a busy rancher for Godssakes. He's not gonna do that."
E: "Ma'..." *click*

Okay. Fair is fair. I was prepared for this to happen, but I didn't think it would. I understand that there are people in this world that have things to do; myself and my colleague being 2 of them. I realize that midnight and an all night drive to see a brass disc set in concrete in the middle of Nowhere, Kansas may not be everyone's idea of a good time and I certainly understand that it doesn't fit everyone's time table, but c'mon. Really? A hang up? Really? Was that necessary or even called for? I wasn't rude. I wasn't disrespectful. I was following the rules. I was even ready to shell out the ridiculous $50 ($20 each, $50 minimum) that this guy charges to go see this spot that the Government paid for. The least that could have happened was that this lady just says, something along the lines of, "Yeah, that's not a good time for us. Sorry," and then ends the conversation, but a flat out hang up? Wow.

I have always hated the hang up. I know I shouldn't ever take it personally, well, at least not when it's for work, but this time it wasn't for work. this time it was for me and JN. It was for us to have a Grand Adventure and fun story to explain why we both looked like semi-zombies the next day. It wasn't for work time this time; it was for personal time. How can I not take it personally?

And that's when I was reminded again, that even if you've done something so many times it seems like second nature; even if you're absolutely excited beyond reason about something or someone; even if you play by all the rules and all the right cards, you're not gonna have anything to eat unless you actually come back from the field with food in your hand.

"Oh, life is like that. Sometimes, at the height of our revelries, when our joy is at it's zenith, when all is most right with the world, the most unthinkable disasters decend upon us."
- A Chrstmas Story

Until next, Dear Reader,
E


(p.s. --> What the fuck!?! It's an 82 year old hunk of metal buried in some concrete and then shoved into the ground on your property and you have the balls to put up a $50 cover charge??)

Homebrewskys... Orange whips ...Deliciousnesses

They're delicious. And so easy to make I don't know why I don't make more. Oh, wait, I do make more...when I run out and then sometimes before I am out so I have more to drink when I need it, though, lately, like this blog, I have been lax on my brewing. The good news is that I just bottled a dozen 16 oz. bottles of my George Washington's Own Historically Inappropriat Goat Riot Ale.



It should be good. If it's not, at least it'll be drinkable. It's a wonderful brown ale of toasted oats and rye that my friends H & J helped me whip up. I based it on a recipe that the First Commander In Chief had in his Diary. (Yeah, I read books, too)


I also enjoy the making of the labels for my beers and sometimes get the inspiration for my beers from a picture. Or something someone says. Or a nickname.



The Vanilla Gorilla was a coffee vanilla brew that was inspired by my former trainer's boyfriend's nickname. Yeah, see, he's a huge dude that plays semi-pro football for the Madison Mustangs. Plus he has a great sense of humor.

I haven't yet done a nice, hearty stout, so maybe that one will be my next concoction. Of course, it goes without saying even though I'm gonna say it: I'm open to suggestions.

here's the thing...

...i try to enjoy culture and the arts as much as i can, because, let's face it, i can use as much culture and artistic input as i can get.

but man. it was hard to stomach what i just saw. gilbert and sullivan are famous for their musical theater the world over and i felt lucky that i was gifted 2 tickets to go see the pirates of penzance. so i went with an open mind and ready to be entertained...but i was just not. and i realize i'm not some fancy theater critic who knows the all about its when it comes to theater and productions and all, but this was just bad. the first issue was the sound. when it was just the bass and baritones singing, the sound was great. every word was clear and you could totally understand the songs and hear it all and appreciate the witty lyrics. but anything above that range was just higher pitched noise that ran together and was incomprehensible. yes, the very merry model of a merry modern major general song was awesome and the guy that sang it did a great job. hilarious and he stole the show...but he shouldn't have. he wasn't the lead. he didn't have the choice parts to drive the story. he was a side character that was well played and did a great job. that's all he should have been, but because the sound was so bad and the stage direction was as lame as it was (there were literally moments when people were hitting super high operatic octaves while they ran across stage [okay, that's tough and i respect it, but why have them do it?] or players were not singing and they stood there in the background not or only just slightly moving when they could have been doing something, anything interesting) he gets the highlight because he had the toughest song to sing and he nailed it. the other characters, frederic, his girl ...whatever, the pirate king what's his name, and the rest who could have had great moments on stage just kind of accepted that the crowd was there to hear the modern major general and went through the motions.

i sat through the whole thing, but could have left after the first act was over. i don't want to bore you, dear reader, with the other inane details and nit-pickiness of my poor critique, but suffice it to say that i can say i have seen pirates and let's leave it at that.

until next time i can only hope you see something far more entertaining and better staged.
keep it between the lines and play from the tips,
e

it's good to know things work out for people from your past

The Explosion

I say THE because truthfully, there is but one meat: Pork. And really the best way to eat pork, besides all of it's super awesome other cuts, is in bacon form. But sometimes, one gets tired of just bacon by itself. Where's the sense of adventure that comes with eating bacon now that you've had bacon for all of the years you've had bacon?

I'll tell you: The Bacon Explosion.

Yes, that's right. That recipe that was so wide spread after the New York Times picked up the story made it's way across my plate on Super Bowl Sunday (I know, I'm a little late in posting this, but you should totally read my previous post and STFU).

...And on the 8th day, He created Pork. And it was good.

Especially when you take some cooked bacon, mushrooms, onions, and roasted red peppers and wrap them in 2 lbs. of sausage, then wrap that in a weaved mat of bacon, cover it in a delicious rub, then put it on the smoker...or grill. Either way, it is so very worth it.

I'll let you enjoy the pictures and let them speak for the rest of it. I know it looks a little burned, but there was *small* grease fire (Weird) but it worked out...Okay, yeah, it was delicious!